Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
