i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
