Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize