I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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