i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
