if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
