Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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