I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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