i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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