My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
