Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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