Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
