I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
