Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have fence marks all over my body
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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