I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
