I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I am one with the molecules
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
