I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
