evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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