Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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