Tell her she can't have a vagina
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
