i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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