The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
