My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Green mimosas i think yes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
