is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
