Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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