im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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