Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
