She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize