He had one of those small greek statue penises
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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