She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
