Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
