who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
