Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
