So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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