You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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