If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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