She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
