I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
