I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
