No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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