i may or may not be watching the land before time
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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