haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
