I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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