Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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