I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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