The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize