theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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