I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
