I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
