Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
