Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize