Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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