My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
