I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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