No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
