What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
