If i could tip my vagina, i would.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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