burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
