I'm really into asian looking animals
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize