But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize