Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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