Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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