Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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