my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
