Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
