I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
