Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just pynch a tree in the face
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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