thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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