Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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