yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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