I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
