Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
