Having a random hookup so left but love u
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
There's even glitter on my cock...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
