My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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