I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
