I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
