I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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