Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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